Dear Brian:

You saved me when I was drowning just to sink my head in the water afterwards. You give me a reason to live while you kill me softly with your deep, deep eyes of a color I just can’t describe. They aren’t brown. Brown sounds so average; hazel sounds too sweet, green sounds too beautiful… Your eyes are so much more than that. I can’t find the words to tell you what your eyes make me feel. They’re warm yet sensual, they’re sweet yet burning. They keep me hanging by a breakable thread. Such a breakable thread…

And then there’s your contagious smile. When you smile, it’s like time goes back about twenty years, back in the time you were just a kid and I wasn’t even born. Even back then, there was already a plan for me. God had it all designed: there would be someone who would love you. Desperately.
I wish that someone wasn’t me, though.
But well, I was talking about your smile… Your smile’s radiant and nice and it always seems to make me smile, even when I’m having a Worst-Day-Of-My-Life, which happens pretty much every day of my life. Your lips have the most perfect shape there is. If Heaven was a country on Earth, it’d be shaped like your lips. But I don’t think it’d taste like your lips. Well, I never tasted them, but I bet they taste like… Like the best taste I’ve ever tasted. Like chocolate. I love chocolate…

Other thing I love is your nose. I guess nowadays people don’t spend much time looking at noses. That’s a shame, ‘cause there are some really cute noses out there. Like yours. Your nose is adorable. I feel like rubbing my nose against yours, sometimes. My friend Deedee speaks of your nose as a small potato. That sure sounds awkward. But well, I like potatoes, too.

And I like your hands. Your hands are big, which is pretty pleasant. Big hands to hold your guitar. I love the way you hold your guitar. I wish you’d hold me like that. Call me silly, but it actually looks like you’re holding a woman when you hold your guitar.
A guitar. A guitar is just a piece of wood with strings attached. Well, it’s the most beautiful thing ever invented, but still… Even a guitar is luckier than me. Damn it! I wish I was a guitar…

I also wish I was a needle. One of those needles they use to make tattoos, you know? The tattoo artist opens the package of a brand new needle, sinks s in the ink and sticks it in your skin. That needle is only used once. It’s a special needle, used only in your soft skin. After it’s been used in your soft skin, it is thrown to the garbage can. How romantic… I feel like a needle… I’ve been used only by you and I know that when you’re done with your beautiful tat, you’ll throw me to the garbage can. But I don’t mind. I live only to touch your soft skin.

And I live to make your ego rise. You look at me, from up that stage and, when you see me crying, you think to yourself I’ve made another girl cry. You don’t even think about it, do you? That among all the girls that cry because of you, one of them may actually be crying for you.
It’s not about hysteria, love, madness… It’s all a matter of… what’s the word? Well, I don’t know the word. Let’s just call it je ne sais quoi.

That’s what I feel about you. I don’t know. It’s not love, it’s not madness, it’s not hysteria, it’s not attraction, and it’s not tenderness. It’s just a feeling called I-Don’t-Know. I wish I loved you, desired you madly, wanted you to Death… I just don’t. I don’t know what to call it. You give it a name. I’m sure you’ll come up with something clever. You’re very smart, even though most of the times you just play a fool or an ass. But you’re smart. Guess that’s what I love the most about you: your intelligence…

I'm lonely and I'm tired.


Sincerelly yours,

Sally Vengeance.